The most wonderful time of the year, the hap- happiest season of all is upon us, and perhaps for a day or two, we can just forget about how much our favorite NFL team sucks.
But we might as well have fun with it, right? As you get settled in and wait for Santa Claus, please accept this gift from us to you: a 1,500-word story with one Christmas movie quote for each and every NFL team. And no, we didn’t save the receipt. Sorry!
Here’s the list:
Arizona Cardinals — “You give up? Had enough pain?” (Home Alone 2)
Cardinals fans deserve everything on their Christmas list this year for having to put up another dreadful season.
Atlanta Falcons — “Well, they can’t all be winners, can they?” (Bad Santa)
The Falcons couldn’t buy a break all season with injuries on defense eventually catching up to them. Sad!
Baltimore Ravens — “Seeing isn’t believing. Believing is seeing.” (The Santa Clause)
We’re through 16 weeks of the NFL season, and apparently the Ravens — led by their rookie quarterback — are good? Hard to argue with the results up to this point.
Buffalo Bills — ?You guys give up, or are you thirsty for more?? (Home Alone)
The Bills are bad at football, but their fans like drinking. Do you get it?
Carolina Panthers — “I told you, these are the shadows of the things that have been. That they are what they are, do not blame me.” (The Muppets Christmas Carol)
It was another lost season in the midst of the Cam Newton’s career, and the Panthers have some tough roster decisions ahead. That Super Bowl loss feels like forever ago.
Chicago Bears — “It?s Christmas Eve and we are going to go celebrate being young and being alive.” (The Holiday)
The Bears have done an incredible job of building a talented (and very young) roster. That should strike fear in the hearts of the rest of the NFC for years to come.
Cincinnati Bengals — “You need therapy. Many, many years of therapy.” (Bad Santa)
If the Bengals bring back Marvin Lewis after another losing season, they should be institutionalized.

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